How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize