hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
