Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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