i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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