It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
