Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
