then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
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Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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