We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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