She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
