Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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