Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am available for nakedness
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize