Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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