thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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