So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
