I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
