I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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