Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Couch. On fire.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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