Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The power of my boobs compel you
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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