She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
