There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
