The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Still dying that you shit outside
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
