A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
