we were pretty classy up until the second keg
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
