i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
