FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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