grandma shit on top of the toilet
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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