I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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