Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This is not my ceiling
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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