I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
