My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
