i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize