I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
