I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
