She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
