your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
