yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it was like having sex with a tree stump
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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