You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
