I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
