sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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