I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
