Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i out mim tonsoeep
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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