Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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