I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
