so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize