I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
