i permit you to call me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
