I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
