dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
