You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
