Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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