come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
