I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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