He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
