ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
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You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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