I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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