idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
