i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can I color on your dick again?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
