Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I died a long time ago.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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