This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize