they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
