All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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