you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Randomize
