did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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