you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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