everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
